dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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