dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
