What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
