She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
