I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
