You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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