and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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