Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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