We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
