I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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