so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
