I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
