I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
