that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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