then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
