I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
