i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
