two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
