this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
