i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
