really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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