And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
