the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
