He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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