He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize