I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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