I've blown a few things in my day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
