She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
