This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
