i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
