The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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