Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
