atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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