I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
