this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
