What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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