We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
