I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
