at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
