Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
