I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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