Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize