turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize