I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
