The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
