dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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