Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
