You smell like stripper and shame
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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