its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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