i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
