Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
