I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
