You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize