I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize