You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
