im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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