the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
