My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
