dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
