my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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