apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
