I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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