I puked a lego.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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