So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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