found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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