The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
