i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
