i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
there is puke in my bra ... again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
