I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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