First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
