his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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