she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
