Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
