remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
